Another sick LOTR
by Ryo
Summary: By (somewhat) Popular demand, here is another sick Lotr story! The writters make a cameo apperence.


Intro: back by popular demand, another sick LOTR story! Whoosh! We also don't own these people no matter how many times we blackmail the Easter Bunny. Oh well. Contains slight spoilers of the movie.  
  
Another Sick Story by Sara and Jenn (the scenes they left out)  
  
It's the Moria...place where they're running from the Balrog.  
  
Balrog: RAR!  
  
Pippin: eeee!  
  
Gandalf:*turning and facing the Balrog*  
  
Legolas: What's he doing?  
  
Gandalf: *slamming down his staff* YOU CANNOT PASS!  
  
Balrog: ...why is that hobbit clinging to you?  
  
Frodo: I'm his husband.  
  
Balrog: ...WHAT?! GANDALF! How COULD you?!  
  
Gandalf: I'm sorry, but you were just not my type.  
  
Balrog: YOU CHEATED ON ME!!  
  
Gandalf: I told you we were breaking up!  
  
Frodo: He loves me now, get over it.  
  
Sam: ...I thought Frodo loved me!  
  
Frodo: It was just a platonic relationship, Sam  
  
Sam: oh...*cries*  
  
Merry & Pippin: Lets help him through his hard times!  
  
Sam: You'd really do that?  
  
Merry: *nodnod*  
  
Balrog: Since you cheated on me, Gandalf, I shall burn you with fire!!  
  
Frodo: Protect me Gandalf!  
  
Legolas: ...*twitch* NOOOO!!!!!!  
  
Strider: What's wrong?  
  
Legolas: Its...Its...SARA AND JENN! They're messing with us again!!  
  
Strider: How do you know that?  
  
Legolas: Well, in the last story, they made Saruman, Gandalf and the rest to have an orgy!  
  
Strider: ...I thought they did that on their own free will.  
  
Sam: Of course we did!  
  
Legolas: SEE! Sara did it!! And Jenn's helping!  
  
Balrog: *makes a fire whip* In fact...I think I'll tame you instead..  
  
Gandalf: *looks around* Me?  
  
Balrog: yes*cracks the whip*  
  
Frodo: aaaah!  
  
Legolas: Oh god...  
  
Strider: Are we the only voices of reason in here?!  
  
Legolas: ...yes.  
  
Strider: Oh, ok that's what I thought.  
  
Cut back to the actual movie. It's the part where Gandalf forms that magic shield.  
  
Gandalf: You cannot pass!  
  
Balrog: RAR!*cracks whip but its repealed by the force field thing*  
  
Gandalf: *slams his staff down again, but breaks it* oopsie  
  
Sam: He broke his staff!  
  
Pippin: ...which staff?  
  
Merry: I think the old gnarly one  
  
Pippin: That's not much help.  
  
Legolas & Strider: Oh my god...IMAGES!  
  
Merry: Arent they wonderful?  
  
Legolas: ...I cant see!!  
  
Strider: *on ground, writhing in agony* I wont be able to sleep for weeks...  
  
Pippin: I'll help you sleep!  
  
Strider: MAKE THEM STOP!!  
  
Sara: *walking in on the set* Why?  
  
Jenn: Its fun! And you make funny faces!  
  
Strider: ..hey, the balrog, Gandalf, and Frodo have kinda...frozen in time  
  
Sara: We havn't written bout that yet, so of course they are frozen  
  
Legolas: *taps Gandalf who's very still* weird...  
  
Gandalf: Don't touch me...unless...  
  
Legolas: *gets a strange look and backs away*  
  
Gandalf: fine...be that way  
  
The bridge collapses. The Balrog falls with it.  
  
Gandalf: Now that that jealous lover is subdued, lets get out of here!  
  
Sam: Yeah  
  
Pippin: out in the open...  
  
Legolas: ...  
  
The balrog's whip shoots up and grabs Gandalf `round the ankle. It pulls him down.  
  
Balrog: If I'm doomed...I want some pleasure!  
  
Gandalf: Fly! You fools! Fly!  
  
Sam: *hops around waving his arms*  
  
Gandalf: Not like that, dumbass! RUN!!  
  
Sam: oh...  
  
Everyone runs.  
  
Sara: *looks at the collapsing bridge that's below her* ...dude...  
  
Jenn: eep...  
  
Sara: *runs* I DUN WANNA BE DOOMED WITH GANDALF AND THE BALROG!!!  
  
Jenn: Gay people scare me...*runs too* AAAAHH!!!!  
  
Everyone (cept Gandalf) makes it out ok.  
  
Legolas: That was close  
  
Faint giggling is heard in the wind.(see previous story)  
  
Strider: That should be ME with her...  
  
Sam: you're a girl?  
  
Strider: NO! Do I look like one?  
  
Sam: not really...ok, not at all...that's what I find attractive about you.  
  
Strider: *runs screaming into a large rock and goes unconscious*  
  
Pippin: oh no!  
  
Merry: Sam, better "revive" him.  
  
Sam: ok.  
  
Sam walks over to Strider. About the same time Jenn and Sara come out of Moria all bruised, cut up and bleeding. Sara sees what's going to happen to Strider and laughs.  
  
Sara: *laughing*  
  
Jenn: *twitches* Ewww....I liked him too...  
  
Sara: Then go assist Sam.  
  
Jenn: *stares at her*...you are so horny... get away from me...  
  
Sara: *staring at Legolas* he fine...*snaps* huh? What? Oh hello.  
  
Sam: I'm almost done, Strider!  
  
Strider wakes up to a not so pleasant surprise.  
  
Strider: *screams and kicks Sam off* What the Hell?!  
  
Sam: You're ok!  
  
Legolas: *looking at Sara like a frightened rabbit* Why is this strange person looking at me funny...  
  
Jenn: *Stabs Sara in the eye with an arrow that she pulled out of thin air* it's impolite to stare.  
  
Sara: *pulls the arrow out of her eye and grabs some paper towels to put on her eye* Excuse me but I was looking at something!  
  
Legolas: *backs away*  
  
Sara: *does a Matrix style kick at Jenn and gets stuck in mid-air* shit! Not again!  
  
Jenn: HAHA!  
  
Sara: *head falls off* ow...I think I'm dead...  
  
Sam: Your still speaking  
  
Sara: ok...that's a good sign...  
  
Strider: *gets up and runs* YOUR ALL INSANE!!  
  
Strider trips on a flea and bashes his head on a rock and dies.  
  
Legolas: *climbs up a tree for self protection* Stay away you gay little hobbits!  
  
To get Legolas down, the hobbits start throwing things at him. Legolas is hit in the ...something...with a giant fish and is killed. As he falls from the tree the hobbits are squashed underneath the giant fish and Legolas and DIE! YAY!!! And then, they all float up into the sky. Lalalalalala. And they end up in heaven.  
  
Strider: Hi guys! What took you?  
  
Legolas: PIPPIN HIT ME IN THE NUTS WITH A FISH!!!! A GIANT TROUT!!  
  
Pippin: The fish was carrying my good will.  
  
Legolas: I did NOT need to know that....  
  
Frodo: Where's God and Jesus?  
  
Find out, in the next sickly deranged story, if we write it!! But we hafta get lotsa reviews. We're going to sleep because its almost dawn. By the way, we are NOT gay!!! WE ARE PERFECTLY STRAIGHT!!! Have a...day! : ) 


End file.
